"Paste of Life"

https://youtu.be/iFkQyCa5a9g

In one of my previous blog I mentioned that I would figure out a word to define my Thailand trip, oh boy was I wrong. I actually don't want to use only "one" word, I want to use all the positive and good words in this world to describe this journey.

Thailand: A Land of Remembrance and Discovery

With the stories gathered from my loving family and the Hmong community in America, I was inspired to take on a journey to Thailand.

This experienced enabled me to relive the stories of my ancestors and explore my identity as a Hmong American woman.

Pieces of Me: Thailand

Thailand will always have a place in my heart.

This digital story was very hard for me to make. Too many emotions were flowing through me throughout the making of this.

Enjoy.

Same Same But Different

Mai Zong Vang Thailand Video

What I Found in Thailand

Digital Story

Digital Story

Digital Story

My Realization in Thailand

My journey in finding who I am

Treading Through The Land of a Thousand Smiles: Thailand

Enjoy! Making this video definitely made me very nostalgic of the times in Thailand! I can't believe a month has already gone by...

Thailand: My Home of Many Firsts

Pahoua's Story

My Digital Story

 

Making this video brought back so many memories of Thailand. The mountains, the Mekong River, the people, the smiles, the night markets, the heat, the laughter, and the food! Thailand was truly amazing and I cannot wait to go back. Thank you to all the people that made this trip what it is. Thank you Thailand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Connection

I have discovered a profound sense of connection with the entire Earth and all its people though my experiences this trip. Growing up in the US, I found I had an "us and them" mentality. People in other parts of the world live so differently from me -- how can we be the same? Sure, I was open to learning about and from these other people, but that's just it; "they" were separate, dissimilar, far away.

The experiences I've had these past three weeks in Thailand have given me new perspective. It started with the opportunity to learn from our local Thai guides and then from the Thai interns in Chiang Khong; how they personally live, what they value, and what they want out of life. In talking with each of them about topics such as family, travel, and romantic interests, I realized that "they" are not so different from "us." We grow up in different parts of the world with varying climates, languages and customs, but when it comes down to it we are really all the same.

In addition to learning from local Thais, watching the Hmong American students interacting with the Hmong Thai people we have met along the way has been a very meaningful experience -- I new close to nothing about Hmong culture or history before coming here, and observing students' connections with the places and people of their heritage showed me that even across opposite sides of the world strong connections can exist and grow.

There was one experience in particular for me that shed a bright, burning light on the threads of connection, in our farewell party at the Mekong River School: Dancing lights shimmering on the Mekong river in the humid night air. Laughter and talk from all around, candlelight casting a soft glow over people old and young, white and brown, male and female, from here and there. Music filling my soul as the band plays, the feeling of hard, dusty earth beneath my feet as I dance with those around me. The smell of trees, water, fire and food. The smiles. The feeling of collaboration, of bonding in sameness and forgoing differences.  This is what life is about.

I could not be more grateful for all the people we've met, for the opportunities to learn about the environment and people's interaction with it, and to have opened my eyes to the connections that exist everywhere. We are one world, and I am so happy to be a part of it .

Paradigm

For this blog, I will be sharing one of my journal entries. I feel that my entry perfectly describes how I’ve been processing the knowledge gained from Thailand. Hopefully some of you can relate to this entry. It is in the form of a letter, written specifically to God (it helps me reflect and dig deep into my thoughts).

Dear God,

I am slowly taking in everything that I am seeing and learning. There’s so much to process right now. Each time I look at the Mekong River, I am reminded of the triumphs and struggles my family and ancestors went through. Being in this place and getting a glimpse of the lives in the past makes me feel truly grateful. The Hmong people shed blood and tears in order to move the community forward to a better and brighter future. They persevered through all of the roadblocks and barriers. It is truly inspiring to discover and learn how strong my people are. I am certainly having difficulty adjusting to the conditions here in Thailand, but I believe that the amount of discomfort that I am experiencing is meant to help me see a tiny bit of my people’s struggles. Though I am not getting a full experience of the challenges they faced, I feel that I am getting a sense of how hard it must have been for them.

Exploring the systems here is also helping me uncover how I show up in this world. I am beginning to see that I am in fact, privileged in many ways. I often take my life situation for granted, and tend to focus my energy on what I don’t have. With this mindset, I am blinded by the many struggles that other people in the world are facing. I become selfish, needy, and ungrateful. My thirst for success and riches grow as I become deeply embedded in the American system.

Putting myself in another culture and observing the systems in Thailand has been life-changing and empowering. It made me realize that all of the nations in this world are interconnected in some way. My consumption impacts other people in this world, and the choices I make certainly affect those around me. In relation to this concept, the dams that the Chinese government is building disrupts the flow and ecosystems of the Mekong River. It is also taking a toll on countries such as Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, and Cambodia. Though the Chinese government realizes the negative impact that they are making, they fail to fix these mistakes because their main focus seems to be improving their own system. Learning about these different issues makes me feel uneasy. I am appalled with how fixated certain individuals can be with their own systems. Though I understand that humans operate on different wavelengths and have their own realities, I sincerely hope that more people will become more open towards learning other systems and maybe, become advocates.

Sincerely,

Crystal Yang

To Be Happy

I have never been a good writer when it comes to being expressive or descriptive of what my idea is deeply about. I am a people person, I love to talk to people rather than write down my thoughts. When I write I feel so limited, but when I talk my words just comes out so freely. Trying to reflect back on this wonderful opportunity of being a part of this program, I really can not put the words to explain my feelings. Sad? Happy? Amazed? Those words do not even do justice to expressing my feelings. 

Being on this trip I have connected with so many things! First off Chiangmai was phenomenal! The neighborhood that I stayed in, the wonderful and yummy breakfast that I was privileged to have, and of course I would not forget the monk chat. Then there is Chiang Khong, where the beautiful Mekong river is located. During the stay here, I met some friends that I will never forget. Then of course being here in Bangkok just blew my mind with the crazy "city that never sleeps" vibe. I really can not just connect with just one individual focus because as of right now, my mind is having mixed feelings of all kinds... I feel so high off of the wonderful experiences that I was able to have. If I was to write about my experiences of this wonderful trip, I would probably end up with a series. 

But one thing that I would always be grateful for is the people that I have met on this experience. Whether it is Ajun Cathy or Ajun Linda, my peers/my Thailand family, the three wonderful interns Mat, Miew, and Ake, the three wonderful tour guides that stayed with us our first week, our home stay moms, the drivers that had to put up with the girls loud voices and laughing, the hotel employees, the employees that always opened the door for us at the IResidence Hotel, the beautiful and kind hearted people at the Mekong River School, Chiangdao students, Prab JoLee, the old couple who steered the boat during the crazy rainstorm, and even the workers that I had conversations with at the shops and restaurants. Grateful, enlighten, passionate, happy, karma, I really do not know what words will be able to help me express this personal learning of mine. Maybe when I get back into the states, my mind will settle down a bit and it will help me to slowly gain words to express my feelings... Or maybe because this trip is so beautiful in being able to realize life in such a different perspective, I would have to make up my own word to describe my own self learning. All the people that I have shared a road with had impacted and shaped my life on this trip.

"A way of life."

Until We Meet Again

I mentioned in my last blog post that I was having a difficult time finding the words to describe my experience here - two weeks later, I am still struggling. The difference, however, comes from something I've learned here: that its okay not to know and to just go with the flow. This experience has taught me so many things, and it has been a combination of being here in Thailand and being able to share this experience with 19 other amazing students. I am a little scared for re-entry back into my life in the US: am I different? I didn't believe that three weeks was long enough to have such an impact, but I was so very naive in thinking that. I have to say that my experience here has made me reflect a lot on the beauty in simplicity and this idea of not knowing. I plan to rid my apartment of all the unnecessary clutter I have collected, because all I can picture is our first homestay that consisted of only the necessities: a roof and faded pictures of family. Also, the shower was just a faucet connected to the wall, and the floor made of stone, and for some reason I am really hung up on the idea of why do we have plastic tubs? Why do we separate the shower? Why do we have four cars or feel like success is connected to money? I know it seems silly, but that is a glimpse of how my mind has been trying to process everything I have seen or heard here. It all matters, because the choices we make to focus on bettering ourselves or our community, our shared environment or our lawn, is all interconnected. 

This blog post has been interrupted with random moments of crying, and smiling as I reflect on every moment, and person that has shaped this experience for me. I wish I had the words to explain this, and maybe one day I will, but for now it's okay. 

Thank you Thailand

Thailand will forever be a part of me. I still can’t fully process everything that happened in Thailand. This experience was eye opening, crazy, emotional, amazing, and all of the above. I have met amazing people who are doing amazing things and they have become a part of Thailand for me. In a short period of time, I feel as though I have grown so much mentally.

We have visited so many places in Thailand. Sometimes I would wonder, “Why in the hell are we here and what does this have to do with anything?” Acharan Cathy and Acharan Linda gave us the experience but the connection between each of the experience is one that we would have to do ourselves. The processing each of the experience and the personal connection is what makes our stay in Thailand much more meaningful to each of us. I would be lying if I say it was a easy process. I am still iffy about some experiences but of those experiences that I processed, it is as fireworks is going off in my mind.

One particular experience was very emotional one for me. Visiting the Chaing Dao was a life changing one. The moment I walked into the auditorium and seeing those wonderful kids sitting, tears started coming down. I was so happy to see such young, bright, and beautiful students. Though they did not have much, each one of them is fighting hard for their education. Some of which leaves their family at a young age and dorm at the school. My tears wouldn’t stop as we visited individual classrooms. Some of these students seem to be five or six years old and yet they are so strong willed.

 

In the van Acharan Linda asked me how the visit was for me and I couldn’t answer because my voice started cracking. I will now answer that question. It was one of the most inspiring thing that I have ever experience in my life. I realized how privileged I am as an American and really take for granted that privilege. I need to slow down in life and appreciate the little things in life. These student inspires me  to be a better person and try my hardest to reach my dreams because if someone like these students can rise up from close to nothing, why can’t I. I have all that I have and if I can’t reach my dreams, then I  have taken my life for granted.

12 Years Ago and Now

           I am back in Thailand as an adult and as a tourist.  I have more money to spend.  My goals that I posted in the first blog was going to different places, eat different foods and compare my experiences of Thailand as a 'refugee child' to my experiences as an 'adult tourist' and learn from them.  Now that am free to do as I wish, I bought a huge quantity of clothes as well as gifts.  To others it might seem like I spent so much and impulsively.  So, why do I spent so much? 

           Twelve years ago when I was still a child living inside a refugee camp in Thailand, I've never once in my life have more than 15 baht (about $0.45) in my hands.  Most of the times when I go to school, my parents would give me 10 baht (about $0.30) to spend.  Everyday, I will use five to seven baht for my lunch and I would use the left over money for snacks.  Sometimes, I would buy rice paddy with banana inside to eat on the way to school.  Sometimes after lunch, I would get a pancake in the shape of a turtle for 1 baht.  Sometimes, I tried not to spend all of the money my parents gave me so they don't have to get me more money the next day.

            I've never wore a pair of shoes worth more than 10 baht (about $0.30).  Yes, the more expensive the shoes are the prettier they are.  I've always resisted it when my parents offer to buy me a prettier pair of shoe and declined their offer although I wanted a pair of nice shoes to match my friends.  I was eight years old at the time and I was not too young to know that my parents are struggling to make money and to keep foods on the table for their six children.  There were many times that my family of eight shared two pack of noodles.  We would make it with a lot of water and mixed the noodle soup with rice and eat it.  Most of the times, my dad would only eat a little so that his children will have enough.  My dad would eat the left over foods on our plates when we are done.  I am aware of this,  every time he gave me a piece of meat or more noodles, I would purposely not finish it and pretended that I am full so he will have a little bit more to eat later.  This was my life in Thailand from the day I was born until I was ten years old.  I've never regret any of it but learned to appreciated how much my parents love us. 

          Now I have more than 15 baht (about $0.45) in my hands, I have thousands of baht to spend and have spent thousands already.  I am spending to make up for all the things that I've never had.  Still, I have no regrets for what I spent my money for.

Challenges of Living in The Present

My time here spent in Thailand has been nothing short of amazing. I had this trip planned for nearly a year and was counting down the days until departure. About two months prior to leaving, I emailed Marina to cancel my application and give up my spot on the trip. I got scared and was overwhelmed with stuff going on at home; I felt like it was a terrible time to leave the country. I then realized that I'm traveling for me, I'm learning for me, and I AM going to take this time for me. I quickly emailed Marina back a day later and restated I would be able to attend the trip and to keep me on the list.

The timing of the trip could not have come at a more perfect time. While at home, I was worried about a lot of things that were beyond my control. Finals were going to happen, I was going to graduate, my relationship(s) with my boyfriend and a friend were falling apart one day at a time, and I was not taking care of myself. I was constantly taking care of other things and other people, I completely disregarded my own well being. I decided that traveling to Thailand would give me the opportunity and time to self reflect and really figure out what I am passionate about and how I want to live my life after graduation. Being away from home would push me out of my comfort zone and really force to me adapt to environments I am not used too. I was so excited but had no idea what to expect.

After spending three weeks traveling around Thailand, I have grown in ways that I never thought I would, and I have learned so much more about who I am as a young American woman. Being in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces and not having access to all the "things" I do when I am at home freaked me out a little bit. My open-mindedness and ability to feel a sense of comfort was tested. For a while, I was constantly worried about what was going to happen next but I got tired of asking questions and decided to just go with the flow. Eventually, the only thing I ever really wanted to know was what time I needed to meet up with the group, otherwise once again everything was beyond my control. Also, being in a group of people with such different personalities was really difficult for me as well. I am someone who has a small circle of friends and not being able to rely on those friends for the past three weeks was tough. I was forced to make new friends and create new relationships. I was forced to live in the present and accept everything that was happening day to day. Some days were more frustrating than others but I also had experiences I will never forget. In every moment I tried my best to understand why I felt the way I did and what triggered that feeling. There were days where I was really happy and there were other days I was super tired and everything annoyed me but I always reminded myself to have gratitude.

The challenges I faced over the past three weeks really helped me grow and understand a little more about who I am. Though I only listed a few above, there were many more. Some more personal than others and some so minor that people would probably question why I am even being challenged. With that said, I confronted each of those challenges head on and faced realities I never thought possible. I am so grateful for the time spent in Thailand and all of the wonderful people I got to meet. Working towards finding a balance between the mind and the body is really pushing me to reevaluate my own way of life. Challenges come in all shapes and sizes. Some grow from something really small and others are a complete surprise, but at the end of the day its all about how one acts and reacts when faced with challenges. Thank you all so much for going on this journey with me!

Connection

How do we make a connection? How do we know and understand it as genuine?  Is a connection something that we choose or is it something that chooses us?  I have been thinking a lot about connection during this trip.  This learning experience has allowed me to more deeply experience and examine all the different connections that are created and maintained in a moment and in a lifetime.  My time in Thailand has been filled with connection to many different people. Some people I have felt the strongest connections with are the Thai students and our tour guides.

When I look back at my time with the Thai students, three college students just starting their second day interning at a school on the Mekong River, it amazes me to think of where our relationship began to what it developed into.  I can still remember our first day on the boat with them, having strong feelings of wanting to get to know them.  I would smile, and now looking back, this smile was part of the first connection we made together.  The last night together was happy and full of writing notes to one another and a few tears were shed.  The first day on the boat, Claire and I talked with Aek, transculturally interacting, sharing our languages and knowledge.  There were lots of miscommunications, but it was light hearted and I could feel the thirst for knowledge and connection.  After that first initial interaction, I think that a barrier was broken, and thus we began to become more comfortable with one another.  Often times in relationships when you connect, there is this metaphorical bump you have to overcome.  I view it as something you overcome together to understand that you both agree to connection.  A difficulty in this connection was language abilities.  There were often many miscommunications or loss of communication because of our inability to talk one another’s language.  I don’t think this hindered our connections, in a way it made it a more unique connection.   As Yer, one of my fellow students on the trip, would sometimes translate for me, the Thai students kept saying how they had never felt such a strong connection before.  It warmed my heart to hear that because I know that I felt the same way.  I think that connection feeds off of one another.  It’s give and take.  If I feed into the connection, then the other party responds with more connection and there is a common growth. 

Another strong connection I made on this trip was with our tour guide Eve.  It’s hard to explain how or why we connected.  Sometimes I think there is a lack of words and feelings to describe these sensations.  It just happens sometimes and there isn’t a need to explain it. 

In my life I have had some difficulties truly connecting with people on a deeper level.  I think I am afraid of what happens when it ends that I have a hard time focusing on the present.  Relating back to my previous post about expectations and reality, I believe that attachment and connection go hand in hand.  When you make a connection with someone there is some sort of attachment occurring.  What I have a more difficult time understanding is when you connect strongly with a person or a place, how can you say goodbye without suffering?  Or is suffering an initial part of the process?  I was talking with Acharn Cathy about connection and a point she brought up was that reconnection could happen.  This was an idea I had not yet thought of.  She stated that it might not necessarily mean you see them again but you will always remember the moments you had together.  I have a hard time with goodbyes.  I get overwhelmed in my emotions (and cry a lot).  It is hard for me to not think about the future and how this will never happen in the same way again.  I don’t want to lose the connection that was so strongly made in the moment.  I think I have this fear of letting go of something good because it will not be the same in the future.  I do not think that this means that the connection is lost though.  I think you carry these feelings with you for the rest of your life.  Connection is an essential part of being human.  We crave it, we thrive it and grow through it.  I believe that connecting with someone is one of the most rewarding ways to learn.  My experience in Thailand has been one that will never be forgotten.  Some connections may fade away with memories and daily life, but this moment right now will never be forgotten. 

Bright Lights. Busy Traffic.

Brights lights. Busy traffic. As a girl growing up in the city, all I've known of is the city life. Back at home, life is always busy: work, school, appointments, time, and money. Life moves fast in the city. So I didn't know how prepared I would be for this Thailand trip. On our first night, we arrived in Bangkok. Bright lights. Busy traffic. Nothing too different. But as we flew to Chiang Mai and Chiang Khong, things began to change. 

I want to focus on the Mekong School we visited in Chiang Khong, which focused on educating people on the preservation and sustainability of the Mekong River. Hearing them speak about their purpose in life was inspiring. Back at home, I never truly appreciated the natural environment. Honestly I didn't really know what it was. The Mekong School and people in Northern Thailand have a way of coexisting with the environment. They flow with the natural pace of mother nature. While I experienced a glimpse of their life, I felt a sense of freedom that I had never felt before. I felt like I could breathe for the first time. 

The same feeling overcame me during our 2nd home stay in Amphawa. During the night, we took a stroll on a boat to see fireflies. Naturally, I'd be freaking out about the darkness and bugs. As we drifted about the city looking for fireflies, I closed my eyes and simply listened to the music of nature. The sound of the paddle in the water... the insects buzzing around... the sound of my breath. This is what beauty is, and this is what's missing at home. During this trip, I've learned to not only appreciate the the beauty and power of  the natural environment, but to find a way to show others that beauty. I've learned that bright lights can come from fireflies and the moon and busy traffic from all the animals and organisms colliding into each other. I learned how to breathe for the first time.
  

Home

I can't believe today is our last day in Thailand. It's crazy to think that I've been here for three weeks and have seen and learned so much. Even though I loved it here, I can't wait to go back home.

It's been over twenty-five years since my parents immigrated to the United States as refugees from Thailand. They haven't been back since. Though my parents still have friends and family here and in Laos, they haven't found the time and opportunity to come back to the place they grew up, the place they once called home. Being assimilated into the American lifestyle, they still keep a part of Laos and Thailand with them through gardening, farming, raising chickens, going to local Hmong markets, practicing Shamanism, etc. It's hard sometimes, but they still do.

Even though I am the only one here, I feel that this trip was also for my family; in every picture I took, my dad, mom, uncles and aunts would comment on the things: "Good choice to go as an American." "Is it fun?" "The Mekong River is still big." "Be safe and always be aware."

I've always wondered about my parents lives before the United States - do they miss it? What did they do as kids, as teenagers? What kind of struggles did they have? What kind of environment did they grow up in? Even though the places we went were definitely not exact replicas of the way they lived, I'm truly grateful that I got to experience the things I did, such as sleeping on hard mats, squatting toilets and walking through the woods. Each time we went out and explored the city or learned about the environment and agriculture, I kept my parents in mind and connected it with them. In a way I did have this experience with my mom and dad, but I wish they could've been here with me to see everything. I know they would talk about what's changed and what's the same, and about how different the American lifestyle is from what we see.

It's been three weeks since I've been home, and I miss it. I miss the beautiful lakes, I miss the view of the skyline of downtown Minneapolis and St. Paul, and I miss the businesses down University Avenue. It's been over twenty-five years for my parents; I wonder what they miss?

My Most Prized Souvenir

     During this trip, I have taken over 900 pictures, bought a handmade ring in Chiang Khong, stuffed my suitcase with souvenirs for loved ones back at home, and made connections with 19 other students and countless people we have met along the way. However, I didn't expect to walk away from this trip with 19 new people I consider family, countless indescribable experiences behind each 900 of those pictures, a wicked sunburn (sorry Mom, I swear I put on sunscreen!) and an entire new perspective on life. Three weeks seems like too short of a time to consider people family and become a new person yourself, but there is something magical about traveling 8,000+ miles away from home and being pushed to your limits again and again. As I sit here and reflect on the past three weeks, I find myself dreading boarding that plane tomorrow and saying goodbye to Thailand and my new "Thailand Family". As sad as I am to say goodbye (or as we say here in Thailand, "until we meet again") I know there is a positive behind the sadness and the tears.

     After I arrive in Minnesota and the initial wave of sadness eases, I know my greatest souvenir will be the inspiration to improve my life. If I ever catch myself living in the future, I will remind myself of the moment we all danced under the stars together at the Mekong School next to the river and my entire being was living in that moment. If I ever feel like I'm at my breaking point, I will remind myself of the time we were in the middle of the Gulf of Thailand in a wooden boat during a storm and how I was able to laugh through the fear. If I ever feel like no one at home understands my experiences on this trip, I will remind myself of the 19 other beautiful souls (and two "mama bear" Acharns!) that were right by my side on this journey. If I ever feel like my life at home has become too repetitive, I will remind myself of the moment by the river that I promised myself I would travel the world. My life here in Thailand has been a work of art, so why can't it be the same at home? There is no reason I can't feel pure bliss and free at home. Sometimes we get stuck in the routine of being at home: schedules, work, school, success, materialism. And sometimes, we just need to board a plane and spend three weeks in a foreign country to be reminded of what is truly important. So Thailand, thank you for a souvenir no amount of Baht could ever buy. I am forever thankful. 

And finally, if I ever find myself missing the fresh air, mountains, rivers, and beaches in Thailand, I will remind myself that it's not "goodbye". Until we meet again, Thailand.

Connections Amongst Us

I genuinely believe that the people we become is made up of everyone we interact with. Whether that be through close relationships or just a passing on the street. Some of these connections are stronger than others, some more positive, some more prevalent, but no matter what.. I am a make up of everyone I have ever seen or spoken to. 

That being said, these last 3 weeks have had a HUGE impact on my life. I have grown to know my peers in a unique way of experiencing new and challenging moments side by side. I have come to learn from my professors who have guided me through my troubles and concerns. But most of all, I would say I am truly changed by the Hill Tribe Villagers, the Mekong River Organization group, the small boy I danced in the dirt with, the mother begging for money with her baby asleep in her lap, the Beyoncé performer at the lady-boy show and many (many many) more. Specifically, I have never interacted with so many people so different from me in this short of a time. Each day on this trip I have grown. I feel more sensitive to cultural differences, I feel more comfortable with working my way through language barriers, and I feel more confident in impacting others positively. I am so sad to leave, but I look forward to going home and making myself the best person I can be - for me, and for those around me. 

The Small Things

I have always wanted to think that I was a good observer of my surroundings, but I knew I was not. I am bad at crossing stop lights and go at the wrong times; I only look straight ahead when walking so I miss everything that is happening around me; and I struggle with seeing the small details of the things that I look at because I do not spend enough time examining them. Being in Thailand for three weeks, I cannot say that I have magically fixed all those things about me, but I can say that I have see improvements in my ability to be an active observer. 

When I first hopped on the airplane to Thailand, I did not know what to expect, but upon arriving I started to have expectations. Looking back, it is crazy to realize how fast I started making comparisons to the culture in the United States. Even now it is still hard not to make comparisons because the American culture is what I am so accustomed to, and it is difficult to fully observe the Thai culture when I am constantly comparing both cultures. Part of comparing the two cultures is that I was only able to notice all the most apparent things different: the bugs are much bigger and more obnoxious, the heat and humidity made me sweat like crazy every single day, and the traffic is terrible anytime of the day. I think that by only focusing on the most apparent things, I really prevented myself from observing and appreciating all the small things around me that will push me to think. 

Although I had noticed many things during my first week, I do not think it was until the group blog that I started to observe my surroundings more. I started noticing how the local people were using their natural resources in their everyday life for the purpose of the group blog, but was surprised that I continued to notice and learn of the other various ways that the Thais are using their natural resources after the group blog was over. In addition to the use banana leaves and bamboos, coconut leaves are also used for weaving baskets and making brooms, an amazing way of using parts of coconut trees. 

Aside from the natural things, I started noticing the waste around the areas that we traveled to and wondered how they came to end up there. In Chiang Khong, I had seen trash dumped on the side of the road next to banana trees and peoples' gardens. Not knowing anything and only noticing, I had questioned how those trash were decided to be dumped there. Who made those decisions and why? In addition to noticing trash, I also noticed how in certain areas there were really modern buildings towering next to small shabby buildings. To me, it was a clear illustration of modernization and urbanization, something that I never really cared to see back in the states. I also noticed how people act and react to things and me here. Although it feels weird to be the outcast and having people stare at me, I think that the experience is valuable to have. It makes me think about the people back at home who are immigrants, refugees, or international people visiting and how I react to them. If I am feeling outcasted and uncomfortable from odd gazes, then those people may also feel the same way.

From my time in Thailand, I have learned to appreciate the small things that are around me. Although I am noticing my surroundings and questioning more, I hope that my ability to observe does not end here and that I can take it back with me so that I can become a more appreciative person back home. 

It's Not a Goodbye, It's a See You Again, Thailand

For the past three weeks, this experience of studying abroad in Thailand has been life changing. As a first-time traveler abroad, I really didn't know what to expect except to keep an open mind as much as possible. From riding in a plane for 16 hours to reconnecting with my roots and being educated on Buddhism, the amount of knowledge and wisdom I have learned and gained has impacted me immensely. Every day has taught me something new and has opened up my eyes to really see the world. I still think of how lucky I am to be able to have gotten the chance to study abroad and experience what life is like outside of my own. The friendships I have made and amazing peers I have met throughout this experience has really made this trip worthwhile aside from being immersed into the beautiful culture of Thailand. I hope that in many years down the road from now we will all be able to look back on this opportunity and smile with joy from the unforgettable memories we have made. 

While this experience has been life changing, as a foreign student studying abroad in Thailand, there have been many realizations I have struggled with. Like I said, since I have never traveled abroad before, I didn't really know what to expect at all. I grew up living a comfortable life, one that I was used to; however, this experience in a foreign country has really made me step outside of my comfort zone and challenge me. It has also allowed me to be vulnerable without feeling weak and brittle - a different kind of vulnerability. From realizing that in Thailand not all children have access to a good, quality education, how not everyone has access to clean water, the lack of resources for the poor and uneducated, how human trafficking is a real issue this country faces, and the amount of pollution there is from the poor sewage system has all played a major role and affected the culture shock I experienced here. All these realizations have made me come to see the amount of privilege I have as an American, and that too, is something I most struggle with as well. From observing how hard the people of Thailand work to earn a living to learning how little they earn in a day has made me be more appreciative as a foreigner. This  experience has taught me to be humble and learn to put aside my privilege, especially during all those times while squatting in the bathroom.

"Who I really am"

Before applying to the Thailand study abroad program, my expectation was to take the traveling opportunity to discover and identify my true self-identity. After 6 years of leaving home, Laos, I have been adapting and associating with American culture that has shifted my way of living life in two different world. For instance, I have to speak English most of the time when I am in school and outside my house. The only time that I can practice Laos’s language was at home and surrounding by my sibling and family members. I eat American Food instead of Laos’s food in majority time of life that living in America. I used to just walked to school while I was a kid in Lao, but now I have a car for my own and can go anywhere I want. The whole theme of my life has been moving from local way of living to the industrial that is giving me so much of resources and opportunities in life. So,

            Coming to Thailand was the greatest opportunity for me to explore how Thailand people living their life locally in order to help me fine my root and heritage identity. Especially living in homestay with the Thai local family helped reminding me so much how I used to live my life in Laos. For instance, the family served me meals that locally simple and delicious, which I haven’t had for so long. I had “shrimp paste paper” with eggs that reminded well of what my parents used to cook for me when I was a little kid. At night, I got to sleep on the hard floor with a thin mattress and cover by a mosquitos net which helped me thinking of how I used to sleep at home in Laos. Even though using squad toilet has become my biggest concerned and challenge, but it made me realized how much I am slowly losing and forgetting my self-identity.

            Also visiting different local places in Thailand has helped me realized where I came from. Especially when we went to visit Mekong village at Chiengkong province. At Mekong village, I have seen a river that symbolized how my family used it to escape from Lao communist soldier to Thailand. My auntie has told me how she fled from Laos to Thailand through Mekong River in order to come to America. It was a painful and memorable experience of our family generation that neither of us will forget. If it were not because of my auntie I wouldn’t have the opportunity to come to America and earn a higher education. Looking the Mekong River today and then, I was seeing the mother river that is so valuable and resourceful to all Lao, Thai, Hmong, and other countries a long the river. But knowing how dams creation is destroying our mother river has made feel emotionally hurtful and useless. As one of Laos younger generation who have a better opportunity in education than other Laos people, what can I do to help preserve this river and our country. This is my journey that I have to continues discover and un-wrap in order to see who I really am.